We spent Easter Sunday of 2017 by the beach with warm smiles and good food. It definitely was a very chill Sunday and we spent the rest of the day there. My family is well-known to travel spontaneously without a pre-determined itinerary and with that, by Monday morning, we were told that we needed to pack our bags because we’d be leaving for Surigao the next day. Before we knew it, we were on the road.
This has been a very FAQ.
(FAQ= Frequently asked question, fyi)
I’ve heard this a lot from the people around me. My close friends, my not-so-close-friends, my heartbroken friends and some people who just want to be all up in my biz. I do not have a definite answer that applies to everyone and is 100% effective 10/10 will recommend. No, I do not have that but I do have my own answer, the only answer that helped me.
This is going to be an emotional sappy post and if you’re not one who can stomach that then I do advise you to leave now. HAHA
You’re still here?
Here goes nothing.
Let me start with saying it took a very huge amount of courage and mental conditioning. You can’t really just “get over” something. It’s a process. You have to take it in little by little. First point? GRIEF. You will grieve and mourn. It is inevitable. That is a fact. I have never heard of anyone who went through a breakup and didn’t shed a tear. You’ll constantly find yourself revisiting the memories you shared and I will not deny, I did this constantly. You just can’t help yourself, right? Wrong. Because you can help yourself. You are the only person who can help yourself. You can read a million self help books and talk to a hundred wise men and your friends are gonna bitch-slap you with all the reasons why but you’re not going anywhere if you don’t decide, for yourself, that you want to let go. You need to try to cope with the loss. It’s just like getting a tooth pulled out. Right after you get into the car from your dentists office, you’re gonna keep rubbing your tongue where the tooth used to be. You didn’t quite appreciate its presence until it was gone. You notice the absence and that’s good, you acknowledge the loss. Once you learn to acknowledge the loss, you learn to live with it and you get used to it until it doesn’t feel like a loss anymore.
Which brings me to my second point, ACCEPTANCE. You have to realize that he isn’t coming back, that this isn’t the love story you’re gonna tell your kids about when they’re asking you about how you met him while he’s sitting right across you in your living room 20 years from now. You have to accept the fact that he’s gone and no amount of tears or begging is gonna bring him back to you. This is the hard part because somehow, somewhere in between grief and acceptance comes denial. Denying is NOT going to help you. Denying your faults, denying the loss, denying that he hasn’t been on your mind for the past 3 months 2 weeks 4 days 16 hours and 43 minutes is not going to help you at all. You have to accept the fact that you are human and you are weak. Accept the fact that you are susceptible to these thoughts and anxieties that hinder you from letting go. Acceptance and realizations go hand in hand in this one.
It’s self awareness that’s gonna take you from acceptance to my third point, LETTING GO. I know, it’s cliché but it’s true. You will slowly learn to live your life the way it was before him. You will learn to cross the street alone, you’ll learn the total of your order minus his, you’ll learn to order a smaller size of Potato Corner fries because you aren’t gonna have anyone to share it with. You have to stop holding on to the memories of that person because chances are, the guy in your memories is so much different from the guy he is right now. You fell in love with a different version of him or in some cases, you fell in love with the version of him you created in your mind. You will learn to let him go in your own ways because I can’t dictate how you’re gonna go about your process. I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy and you’re gonna feel better in 24 hours but I’m saying it’s gonna be worth it to set yourself free from the hurt. No matter how messy it was or how hard it was to finally let go, you’re gonna see it was worth it. Set yourself free by learning to say goodbye and learning to let go. Take a lesson from 2 intersecting lines that were meant to cross each others paths but were destined to separate at a point “pinagtagpo pero hindi itinadhana” which isn’t a bad thing, come to think of it. You met for a reason, you met because he had something to teach you and you had something to teach him and oftentimes we do not realize this until we lose that person. We only learn what they need to teach us when they leave or when we leave. Even if it feels like the entire world has been flipped over and flung left and right, I’m gonna tell you based on experience, it’s gonna make sense. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in two weeks but trust me it will all fall into place. You’re gonna understand why this had to happen, why it had to be him, why it had to be you, why why why. All of those “why’s” will find their reason. Some people just weren’t meant to stay in your life and you weren’t meant to stay in some peoples lives either. Someone leaves or you leave, that’s just reality. Even if we try to deny it, we all walked away from something or someone at some point. What’s important is that you learn and take what you’ve learned to become a better version of yourself. Stop blaming yourself.
So now that you’ve read through that, here are some tips that helped me get through maybe the worst year of my life:
- Surround yourself with good people. I constantly had my friends around me. It didnt even have to be physical, I could text them or call them or send them messages and they were there. You need all the support you can get.
- Find a new hobby. Or go back to the hobbies you had before your relationship. Revisit your cracking watercolor palette or the stubby colored pencils you shoved back in your drawer.
- Do things alone. I know it sometimes feels like salt in the wound but get out there and be aware of your surroundings. Take a walk, have hipster coffee, get lost in a bookstore, walk your usual commute route. GET OUT THERE.
- PRAY. I know this might not be applicable to everyone but this has been the most helpful of all. I found God. I believe this was His way of bringing me closer to Him and I am thankful for everything. I constantly sought comfort in so many worldly things that I only felt emptier as the days went by. Then I claimed His love for me. I claimed His saving grace. I claimed Him as my saviour. I constantly prayed for Him to heal me and take away the hurt I was feeling because I knew it was a hopeless battle without Him. And when I found Him, I knew I was healed.
How did I get over it?
I let go and let God.
Not easy but 100% fool-proof, 10/10 will recommend. Free trial. 🙂
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